


Danger is my middle name

by PenName_Crystal_Vibe



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Other, Rating: PG13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-06-29 13:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 12,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15730539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenName_Crystal_Vibe/pseuds/PenName_Crystal_Vibe
Summary: A life was saved on a cold winters life.But at what cost?All of the ones this soul cared for....GONENow the broken soul will get vengece for those who didn't deserve to die.After all, Danger is my middle name.





	1. Chapter One

_Money hasn't been a hard thing to come by in the last few years. But my life wasn't always this way. I had to loose everything I held dear to get where I am now._

 

"Cassidy." his face inches from mine, his hot breath dancing across my skin. "Are you listening to me? This is important information that you need to know for the takeover tonight." he stated, leaning back, crossing his arms.

I rolled my eyes, "We have to be careful, something something weapons, something for Luone and Econe, as always Xiqva and Xecdes are backup. Uh oh yeah and I'm not to touch the weapons, again like always." I explain, summing up what he had said.

"You're lucky this time Metix." he stated.

I pushed my chair back, standing up, walking towards the door, "No Eric. You say the same goddamn all the time. It's not hard to summarize." I stated, turning to the left.

Arriving at my destination I slid the chain from under my shirt out, sliding it into the lock, turning it until I heard the click, I opened the door.   
The room was nothing amazing, it was small and I hadn't really put much work into it. But it was mine and mine only.   
Everyone always complains about me getting my own room, but Eric always shuts the complaints straigt down saying that I worked hard to get where I was in this crew. Which was true. But there was one reason I had my own room, well one true reason.

 

 _~Flashback~_  
_It was a cold dreadful July night. Everything was quiet when I opened the door, my eyes barely staying open._

 _"Crystal!" I called, getting no response, I shrugged it off. 'She's probably asleep.'_  
_I ventured to the kitchen to get a drink and the most horrible scene was laid out._

 _Crystal was slumped at the kitchen table, her cold eyes staring towards the doorway I had just enetered in, blood pooled at her feet, a small stream trickling towards me. I stood paralyzed, to far in shock to scream._  
_I felt a cold hand cover my mouth and another go around my torso. Snapping me back into reality, I kicked whatever touched me, dashing for the front door. Back out in the cold winters air. I didn't stop running until I felt a hand grab me and pull me down an alley._

_I went to scream but the person put a hand over my mouth, "Shh. I'm not going to hurt you, we're trying to save you." a masculine voice said._

_I fell silent, nodding in agreement with his words._

_A gunshot rang out through the street._

_"Quick, we have to go. The cops will be here soon." the male said, moving towards the end of the alley._

_I followed hesitantly, not fully trusting this stranger._

_He grabbed my wrist as he quickened his pace, we got to a car. He opened the door for me and hopped inside, instantly feeling drowsy._

_"Sorry lov. But it's for your own good." was the last thing I heard before I fell into darkness._

_When I woke up, I was in a white room._

_The male was there, he clapped his hands when he saw I had awoken._

_"Ah, good. I'm Nother, welcome to Hell's Angels, Smoaky." he stated, leaving me by myself in the room once more._

_~End~_

 

I have massive trust issues.   
That and I may have killed my last roommate.


	2. Chapter Two

There was a small knock at my door, I jumped up instantly, knowing I hadn't locked my door.

I opened the door a slither, seeing a fresh face. ' _The new recruits are here. For me to train. Wow, thanks No you dunce. I'm not aloud to touch the weapons.'_ the thought ran through my head.

"Uh, sorry to bother you ma'am, but Nother said that he wished to speak with you." the new recruit said, clearly nervous, their eyes wide with fear.

I smiled sweetly, but their demeanor towards me without even being properly introduced cut like a knife, digging into my flesh, "Thank you uh?" I stalled, not knowing their code-name.

"Fimir, ma'am." they stated, standing straight, "Nother also informed me to tell you that Areyar and I both use him/he pronouns. I do not know the reason." he spoke fast and seemed to be getting quieter the more he stood in m presence.

I let out a small sigh, silently thanking Eric, "Thank you Fimir, I hope that you find what you are looking for here." I stated.

Fimir nodded, turning around, speed walking away as fast as he could without showing his complete fear for me.

I rolled my eyes, ' _What bullshit stories did those twins feed the newbies this time?_ ' I thought as I opened the door enough for me to slip out. Locking it as quickly as it had been opened.

The walk seemed longer as I headed towards Eric's office. The air tasted stale in my mouth, I arrived at the door, a cold sensation washed over me as I knocked on the door.

"Come in." a muffled voice declared on the other side of the door.

I inhaled, twisting the doornob and entering the small space I was all to familiar with.  
In the center laid his desk, always covered in paperwork, well at least that's what I think it is, behind him, a few filing cabinets, other than that the room was bare. Besides the computer in the back left corner.

Eric looked up from his work, his eyes seemed to glow through the mask now covering his face.  
Unlike the rest of us, Eric wore a full face mask, a simple black mask with small white flecks to reflect the god he portrayed, Nother, God of Destruction.  
He stared at me a second longer, before removing the mask to reveal a more familiar presence to me.

He smiled, the same smile as always, causing a bout of nausea to plague my stomach.   
"I have a feeling you know why you are here, _Metix_." he determined, studyingme as he always had, always did.

I stood taller, not daring to slouch. "Of course not _Nother_ , please do explain why I am invoked to be here." I countered, crossing my arms across my chest.

He scoffed, standing, pacing towards me. Trying to intimidate me, of course because I am bite sized. He knew, I knew better though.

"Is this meant to scare me?"   
I queried, on the outside I looked unfazed, but I was freaking out on the inside, repressing the urge to scream.

He stepped away, his expression softening, "Cas, you can't keep doing this in front of everyone." his voice seemed strained, almost like he was holding back all of his emotions.

The floor seemed like the most interesting thing in the world right now. I knew that this was my fault. ' _No, face your consequences Cas. You're this reason he is like this, stop acting like the victim. You are not the victim.'_ I tried to convince myself, looking up from the floor to see the a simple husk, a man once strong enough to handle every situation, reduced to nothing when stood in front of me.  
That's when it occurred to me, "Me." I remarked, barely a whisper. My body moved towards him, without a second thought but he inched away from me.   
His breaths short and quick, hands shaking, lips quivering.

"No. Stay-Stay away from me." he stuttered, backed up against the wall.

I stopped for a minute, feeling an odd sensation sliding down my arms. A gasp held in the air when I glanced down and saw it.  
The vile subsatnce. My hands were cover in a thick layer of red.  
My gaze landed on Eric once more, but Eric it was no more...


	3. Chapter Three

Everything was a dark blur, _'Where am I?'_  
A small slither of light caught my attention, heavy steps on the ground echoed around the room.  
"Oh Cassidy. What have you done now?" recognisable, the voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Where am I?" my voice echoed through the emptiness.

Greeted with a chuckle, "Don't you remember?" the voice now right behind me.

Soft fabric pressed against my face, blocking out the last slither of light fading, I opened my mouth but no noise came out, trying to free my hands, to no avail. Shaking. Constricting, getting hard to breath. Nothing.

~•~•~•~•~

"What's the big idea?" voices filled my ears.

"She said go big or go home for her birthday, so I did."

"You know she has- do you not think before you act?"

Light flooded my eyes, blinding me momentarily. Blinking, I regained my vision to be met with shadows, I tired to sit up, a sharp pain rushing to my head, a throaty groan escaping my mouth as I flopped back down. Catching the attention of my fellow companions.

I closed my eyes again, massaging my temples, trying to get rid of the pounding in my head.

"Good, you're up. Are you okay?" a voice questioned.

I smirked, figuring out slowly what happened without needing an explanation. "Jonathan. I'm going to slit your fucking throat." I declared, opening my eyes once more, to reveal the accused and Evan. "Oh, hey Evan." I smiled, not trying to sit up again.

"Cassidy, are you okay?" Vanoss repeated, he looked worried, bags under his eyes, arms folded neatly across his chest.

I simply nodded my head, scrunching my face up in pain as another pain shot trough my head. "You caused this. Fuck me. I hate you. They're always so bad." I blurted out, chopped sentences out, trying to will the feeling of someone bashing my head with a hammer away.

Vanoss chuckled, most likely finding Del's reaction to my harsh comments fascinating. "You've been here for two days. In and out of consciousness." he explained.

I pushed myself up once more, _'Success!'_ I thought as my eyes surveyed my surroundings.

Surrounded by thick white walls, some kind of med bay, on my left sat Vanoss, in a normal chair, next to him was Del. "I hate this place. It smells horrible down here." I voiced, a small burning sensation filling my chest.

"You should be able to join us back upstairs once Brock says you're good I guess." Vanoss stated, standing.

"I'm fine honestly. I just need food I guess. It was just a attack right? I went down and my body recovered now?" I queried, swinging my legs over the edge of the small bed.

"No. Brock will be back soon. So just stay put until he gets back. How long you were down is not normal Cas." he protested, leaving his back to me.

I bit my lip, trying to think of a response that wouldn't provoke more questions, "Trust me. Two days is nothing. These things usually last much longer. Uh. Yeah." I glanced down, becoming fascinated in the small patterns on my shirt.

Vanoss swivelled on the ball of his foot, facing me once more, "What do you mean? Two days is a long time Cassidy." he stated, his voice smooth.

I shook my head, "Very rarely do I get attacks, unless they're triggered in someway. But my longest one lasted about a week." I admitted, rolling the cloth of the bed-sheet between my thumb and finger. "Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I'll pass out. Usually when these attacks happen, I seem fine, act normal, but I don't remember the things I did for the period of time the attack lasted."

"So like a trance of sorts?" Delirious asked, tilting his head slightly.

I shrugged, getting up. "I guess." I felt along my arm finding the IV chord and yanking it out, "If Moo complains about me being gone. Send him straight to me. I'm going to make some food and lock myself in my room." I declared, pushing past the concerned Vanoss and confused Delirious.

I ventured out of the infirmary and up the hall, getting to the stairs. I knew the place like the back of my hand, especially down here.  
I made my way up the stairs, ignoring the burning in my chest. _'You're alone in this world Cassie. Your whole family is dead. You don't have a twin.'_ she reminded herself, making it to the top, emerging out into the main hallway _ _ _ _.___ _


	4. Chapter Four

I make a right, heading for the kitchen. I slip in unnoticed, quickly opening the cupboard, pulling a few things out.

"Cassidy you're-" I shoved my free hand into their stomach, forcing the air out of them.

I glanced up, stifling my giggle, "Shut up. I don't want Brock to catch me." I held the snacks closer to me.

The man in front of me rolled his eyes, "Why would that be?" he asked.

I groaned, "David, stop asking me questions. Some things are best left untold." I stated, stepping back towards the entrance of the kitchen.

"Cassidy."

"That's my cue." I winked and dashed out of the kitchen, down the hall.

"You're going the wrong way." Daithi's voice echoed behind me.

 _I already know that. But I can still get to my room without heading straight for it._ I hit the end of the hall, a dead end. I missed the turn. Del and Vanoss come racing up the hall, blocking me.

"There's nowhere to run now Cassidy." Vanoss pointed out.

I rolled my eyes, "Everyone always underestimates my ability to improvise. It was my job before I was here." without warning, the boys were bombarded by the biggest packets of food, stuffing the smaller consumables into my pockets. Taking the advantage I had, I glanced up, thankful I had ended up in this hallway and not the other one.

I took a step to the side and turned to face the wall,  _The run up is a little short, but I should still be able to jump high enough._ I sprang into action, doing a small jog up, jumping as high as I could, my fingertips caught the small ledge. hoisting myself up, Delirious caught my ankle.

"Nu-uh not this time." he stated, yanking my leg.

I fell to the ground with a thud, glancing up, I saw watched him reach for my arm, then suddenly, it wasn't Del, it was the killer.

I flinched moving back,"Stay- Stay away." I stuttered, feeling my back hit the wall, I curled my legs up to my chest, squeezing my eyes closed,  _It's not real. 1. 2. 3. I am not getting killed. 4. 5. 6. That was in the past. 7. 8. 9._

"10." I whispered, opening my eyes once more. The floor seemed to move, the walls were shaking violently.

"Delirious. Get away from her. She's not stable. Something is wrong." Evan exclaimed, pulling the other male away from the shaking female.

Delirious glanced down, "What did I do wrong?" he asked, his voice a whisper.

Evan glanced back at the girl, "I don't know. Go and find Brock or Smit. They'll know how to help her properly." he stated.

Delirious nodded, silently making his way back down the hallway.

Evan turned back to the girl and moved towards her slowly, careful not to provoke her more. "Cassidy, listen to my voice. Focus on my words. Breath in. 1. 2. 3. 4." she followed the instructions, "Hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7." her shaking slowed, "Out. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8." her eyes moved less frantically around the area, still shaking. Evan placed a hand on her knee, "Everything is going to be okay." he said, he wasn't very good with this type of thing.

I could hear his voice, feel his hand on my knee,  but there were still so many.

"1. 2. 3. 4."

I counted all over the ones I could see.

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7."

_It's just Evan, he's not going to hurt me._

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8."

My vision started to focus, now only four Evan's remained stood in front of me. "Too many." I managed, closing my eyes.

"Cas. Cassidy! Cassidy don't-" everything faded to black.


	5. Chapter Five

My body ached,  _Probably all the shaking_ , "Tam. Shut up and calm down." I muttered, struggling the open my eyes.

All shuffling sounds stopped and the room was dead silent. I felt many sets of eyes set on me, burning holes through my skin.

"Please stop. It hurts." her voice echoed around the room.   
 _What's going on?_  
I watched Brock step forward and put a hand on my- Cassidy- Cassie's forhead.

"She's-" he trailed off, probably looking for the correct term.

I watched almost everyone leave. Leaving me all alone. Everyone except Brock, who was fussing over Cassidy's vitals and Brian, who looked guilty. I noticed Evan had stopped in the doorway, looking over his shoulder.

"Hey! Hey! I'm fine. Brock, please don't overwork yourself." I screamed, but no one reacted, as if I hadn't said a thing.

I walked over to Brian, who was staring at Cassidy's shivering body, his eyes clouded over, "Brian. Hey, Brye. Can you hear me?" I asked, waving a hand in front of his face, hoping a for a reaction, but getting none.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Why can't you all hear me? I'm right here. That- she- me-" I tried to speak but got no reaction, I walked over to Brock and stood next to him in front of Cassidy's body.

"Cassidy. Wait. Why am I calling me, her? I am her, I am Cassidy." I said, reaching down to touch my hand, recoiling instantly. Shaking my hand, it felt like lightning or electricity was pulsing through my veins. 

"I can't get back." I whispered, looking around me, the room was suddenly too large, the air went warm.

Brock hovered around his friend, watching her vitals. The machines beeped on steadily as if there was nothing wrong. Her words eating away at his minds.  _Please stop. It hurts._

"Who hurt you Cas?" he muttered, looking around the almost empty room.

Noticing Brian, he drew in a deep breath, walking over to his friend.

"It's not your fault." he points out, placing a reassuring hand on the Irish mans shoulder.

Brian shook his head, "That's the thing, Tammie would still be here if it weren't for me." he replies, glancing at Cassidy.

Brock shook his head, "Tammie knew what he was doing when he saved us.  We can't change the past, we can only do better in the future." he stated, giving Brian a small smile.

Brian shook his head once more, leaving the room.

I could still hear their voices, their conversation.  _I killed him. I killed him. I killed him._

"I killed him." I murmured, into the darkness.


	6. Chapter Six

_"I killed him."_

The two males attention was on their friend once more.

Brock paced back over to the bedside, standing on the balls of his feet, "Come on Cass. Please wake up." he pleaded, pathetically.

Brian watched his one of his best friends in agony over the girl in front of him not waking once more. He felt guilty still, over the death of Tammie. Swallowing his pride, he joined Brock,  putting a hand on the medical professionals shoulder, pushing him back down so that his feet were flat on the ground, "Brock, come on. Go take a break, send Ren down." he suggested.

Brock shook his head, "No. I will not leave her by herself. Not again. Never again." he stated, pulling the chair over, sitting down.

Brian sighed, placing his arms by his sides, he dragged himself to the door, leaving his broken friends behind him. "I'll go and get Ren." he muttered to himself, setting out to find Jaren.

"I killed him. I did it. I'm a horrible person. I killed him." I kept chanting over and over, still stuck in this void of noise.

"Who did yer kill?" another voice invaded my chanting. But this one was different, it was more strong, like someone was actually with me.

I picked my head up, glancing around, desperately searching for the person the voice belonged to.

**"How is her progress doctor?"**

**I sighed, shaking my head in dismay, "She's gettin' worse. More and more there than here. She may end up like patient four-five-twelve-nine." I stated, glancing down at my clipboard.**

**"How will we tell her family?"**

**"We won't! We can't! It would break them. More then this whole ordeal already has." I pointed out.**

**The authroity figure looked at me skeptically, "I'm starting to think you took this job just to try save your friends doctor."**

**I smirked, "Maybe. Or I just like helpin' troubled minds." I turned on my heel, exiting his office.**

"So alone. So alone. So  _alone..."_  I mumbled to myself as the white room or wherever I was started to consume my consious. "I'm going insane." I stated with a small laugh.  _How long have I been here?_

_"Cassie, if you can here me. I'm sorry for whatever I did."_

I perked my head up once more, "Del. Del.. JON! No, don't...not your fault!" I couldn't get a whole sentence out, knowing it didn't matter since I couldn't be heard anyway.

I noticed that the room was getting darker. I tried to stand, only to find myself already standing, a tight feeling, weighing over my chest and around my waist. My ankles and wrists felt stuck. I struggled to breath, as though there was something over my face, blocking my mouth.

My breathes quickened as I tried to escape the feeling, riggling around.

A sharp pain shot through my right shoulder,like someonehad just pumped electricty into my arm.

"Ow! Stop! It hurts." I stated, my voice not sounding like my own, to hoarse, like I'd been screaming for hours. I tried to rub my arms, but I was still restrained in whatever this was.

_"She hasn't eaten in three weeks. She hasn't taken her meds for a week. She's been in and out for the last five days."_

_The voice!_  the thought ran through my mind.   
 _Flash._  
I blinked away the light from my eyes. I looked around.  _Where am I?_  
The room was dark,  _Good, so not that dreadful white void,_  it smells like, mold and musty water and...  _strawberry, chocolate...vanilla,_  the heavy feeling on my chest and waist still present, the feeling of contrants on my ankles and wrist was present as well.   
That was when I noticed.  
 _I was restrained...._


	7. Chapter Seven

The visions danced in front of me.  
Flashes of both places.  
Seteneces. Spoken.

 _"Cassidy_. _Cassidy can you hear me?"_

"It hurts. Please stop." I cried out, trying to move. Squirming. Anything to take the pain away.

**"So, Cassie. You have a choice. Chocloate, Strawberry or Vanilla."**

Squeezing my eyes shut, trying to stop the feeling of being trapped. "Please. Please let me out. Somebody. Can anybody hear me?  _Please_." I pleaded.

**"One last time Cassie. Choose."**

I gave in, going limp. All signs of my friends gone. Replaced by a empty dark room, the horrible smell returning to my senses. A person in a suit stood by me, holding a tube.

"Fine Cassie. You leave me no choice."

The person shoved the tube into a pot, seemlessly gliding across the ground, they flicked some type of switch somewhere.   
A searing pain went through the back of my throat, causing me to cough, and inevitably choke.

"TURN IT OFF, YOU'RE GOIN' TO KILL 'ER." a recognisable voice screamed, followed by rushed footsteps.

The foreign substance subsided, but the pain remained. I felt my constraints loosen and I fell to the ground, cough up the liquid that had been pumped into me. Tears streaming down my face.   
 _Pain. Horrible taste. Darkness. Silence._

I opened my eyes and was greeted with my best friend in the world, "Brock!" I stated, but it barely came out in a whisper.

At the mention of his name, his head perked up off of the side of my bed, "Cas. Cas you're-you're awake!" he stated, staring at me in complete shock.

I reached out and touched his cheek, "You're real. You're here." I said.

"I mean yeah. I guess, I'd be a little worried if I wasn't." Brock stated, moving my hand away from his face.

I started laughing, unable to stop.

"Uh, Cassie. Are you okay?" Brock asked in alarm.

I shook my head, "Shit. I- someth- fuck. Help." the laughter causing my lungs to ache.

Brock stood up, looking around for something to help.

I noticed another person in the far corner of the room, he was slumped against the wall. I tried to focus on him, but tears had started forming, making my vision blurry.

"Lukas, Lukas. Get up and hep me! Something's wrong with Cassie-"

**"Smith, what's wrong. Why won't she accept the medicine off of me?"**

**"Play along to her fantasy. She may listen then."**

**The other two doctors stared at the doctor, trying to figure out if he was being serious.**

**"But the patient's brother is not trained." 'Smith' pointed out.**

**"Yes, but she feels safe around him and obviously trusts you Smith, I've read through some of Doctor Nagle's notes, she mentions you quite often Smith."**

**'Smith' sighed, "Fine. Go and bring him in. I know that the facility called the family as soon as she went out again. He should be out by reception. If he's not there, ask Anthony where he went." he directed at Dr Nagle.**

**Dr. Nagle nodded, not wanting to leave his patient alone with the two, but having no choice.**

_**Nitrous Oxide probably wasn't the best choice for a delusional patient.** _


	8. Chapter Eight

"Luk- Jare-" my stomach ached, my head pounded, the laughing still hadn't stopped.

Soon Lukas had joined Brock by my side, a concerned look on his face.

I shook my head, "Fuck- just-" a vile taste filled my mouth, causing me to gag.

"Bucket. Luke, by your feet." Brock stated.

Lukas quickly picked it up, passing it to me.

"Than-" I was cut off by the horrible taste of something.

When I stopped, I had tears in my eyes, "Please- back to- sleep." I pleaded.

I watched in agony as my friends decided who was going to knock me back out.

Lucky for them, they didn't have to.

**"Cassie. Cassie. What have you done to my sister?"**

I opened my eyes,  _a_   _different_   _room._  This one smelt like bubblegum and had small white dots dancing over the dark walls.

"Cassie, it's okay. You need to let the doctors give you your meds."

_Brock?_

I turned my head towards the familiar voice, spotting his face, but it was littered with white dots.

"But you're taking care of me. I just passed out again." I said, confused.

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Yeah. Yeah. But I need, uh Lukas is going to help me okay. Trust me Squirt, okay. He's going to make it better." Brock reassured me, grabbing my hand.

I nodded, showing my understanding.

I felt a sharp sting in my arm and then darkness.

**"What did you just do to her?"**

**"Don't worry kid, Smith just sedated her so that we can fix her up."**

**"Brock will yer come wit me? I haver some important information that I have to share with your parents and yourself." Dr Nagle said, guiding Brock out of the room.**

**Brock followed hesitantly.**

**Dr Nagle led him back out to the reception room where his parents were standing with worried looks.**

**"Mr and Mrs. Barrus." Dr Nagle called the couple over.**

**"Where's our daughter?" Mr Barrus demanded.**

**"She is not stable enough to be let out yet, sir. Right now, Dr Smith is administering the medication she refuses to take. But she is fine. Now, I would like you to join me in my office so that we can discuss important things about patient four-one-nineteen-seven." Dr Nagle said, in a calm tone.**

**"Her name is Cassie. She has a name for a reason. Use it." Mrs Barrus stated.**

**Brock stared at his mother in horror, "Mum, they're psychiatrists, not doctors. Due to patient confidentiality, they are not allowed to use their patients names unless they are in an office or other private area." he explained, much to the doctor's thanks.**

**"Thank** **you Brock." Dr Nagle stated, leading the family down a hall.**


	9. Chapter Nine

_Blinding lights. Bright, white._

"Argh, what the fuck! Get those lights out of my eyes." I stated, but there was no reply.

The lights dimmed and I noticed that I was back in that white room, no lights in sight.

I tried to move but couldn't, I glanced down and noticed I was bound in a jacket of some sort.

"Very funny Jon. Evan. Lukas. Is anyone there? Brock? David." I called, trying to stand, but struggling. "Guys, this isn't funny anymore. Let me out of this trap. Someone, please!"

When no answer showed itself, I gave up looking down at the ground. I noticed I was in a padded room.

_"No one will here your screams. They monitor us, but they have the sound off."_

Someone told me, a while ago.

I noticed the wall near me had small black lines on it. I wriggled over, tryings to read it.

_Months_   
_-I-I-I-I-_   
_VIII_

_Your name is Cassie_   
_Cassie Danger Barrus_

_You are twenty-two years old_   
**_You are not insane_ **   
**_You are not insane_ **   
**_You are not insane_ **   
_You are insane_

**_Your Friends?_ **   
_Lukas_   
_Evan_   
_Jonanthan (Jon)_   
_Brock_   
_Brian_   
_John..?_   
_David_

_Tammie is dead._ **_It's not your fault._ ** _It is your fault._   
_You killed everyone you held dear._   
_You killed them all._   
_They're dead because you couldn't save them._

I felt a wet substance run down my cheeks,  _when did I start crying?_

I noticed that the notes stretched across the wall in small clumps, but only reaching up to my eye level.

"Why are there darker ones?" I questioned, not expecting an answer.

"Because you wrote them that way." a voice said from beside me.

I turned to face the direction of thet noise, only to be met with empty space.

I noticed now that all four walls were dotted with small black marks.

"Where am I?" I whispered, using the wall to push myself to my feet.

I walked over to the far wall, observing all of my markings, some pictures, notes, reminders. Until I got to one that caught all of my attention.

_I told her that I loved her by the water fountain._   
_But she didn't care because she loved him._

**_She didn't want me._ **   
**_But I knew that he did_ ** **_**.** _ **

"Who?" I questioned.

_Tamsyn+Cassie = Unstable_

"Was I talking about Tammie? But, I loved him. I didn't date him to hurt this other girl I liked. I loved him." I told myself, not feeling convinced.

_My name is Cassidy Clouds._   
_Cassidy Clouds_   
_Cassidy_   
**_Cassie_ **

_I'm crazy. In an asylum._ My brain running million mile an hour, to fast for me to actually pick out individual thoughts. At some point my knees gave way and I was on the floor once more. I curled my legs up to my chest, tucking my head down. My thoughts slowed and a tune remained in their place.

_"I'm semi-automatic, my prayer is schizophrenic. But I live on, yeah I live on. Yeah I live on."_


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:  
> This chapter contains mentions of abusive behaviour. Physical and sexual (not explicitly). Please do not read if this you do not wish to see these things.

_Cassie. Cassie. "_ ** _CASSIDY!_** _"_  

"Ah!" I hit the ground with a thud, sitting up, I rubbed my arm. 

Surveying my surroundings, I noticed that this was no longer my room in the asylum.  _Maybe it was all a dream._

"Cassidy, come on, Vanoss is calling us all out to game night. He said,  _'Anyone that doesn't show is dead.'_ " 

I laughed at the horrible impression of Evan, "Shut up Jon, I'll be out soon." I called, looking around the room I was in.

The walls were blue, and there was a bed which I apparently fell off, there was another bed on the other side of the room. Did I mention, the room was huge.

_I may have killed my last room-mate._

I remembered telling someone that.  _Is that why, what I'm guessing is my room, is so big? Did I have a room-mate that I killed? Who were they? What was their name?_

I shook my head, getting up off the floor. I walked over to the dressing table, catching sight of myself in the mirror.

But the person who looked back at me, wasn't me.

**"Your daughter, she never ceases to cause everyone on this team confusion. She's not exactly getting better, but she's not worse. We don't know how much longer she'll be in here-"**

**"They told us that she'd be out in three months. It's  been a ten months, my baby has been in this crazy prison for ten months. She's had three psychiatrists over the course of those eleven months. Will you all just help my baby so that she can get out of here!" Mrs Barrus demanded.**

**"Mum. I think you and dad should leave. Dr Nagle is doing all he can to help Cass and all you both keep doing is attacking him." Brock stated, standing in the corner of the small office, arms crossed over his chest.**

**"Boy, don't talk to your mother like that. You don't know our daughter more than us. We just want what's best for her-"**

**Brock walked over to his parents, sending the doctor an apologetic look. "Do you really know what's best for her? Do you really know my sister? My baby sister, who loved me dearly. Tell me, what is my sister's name?" he stated.**

**Brock's parents stared at their son, mild amusement on their faces.**

**"Her name is Cassidy Taliah Barrus. I birthed her Brock, I should know my own daughter's name." his mother said.**

**Brock chuckled, "She hasn't been Cassidy for almost four years. Her name is Cassie. She got it changed when she was eighteen, she changed it to Cassie Danger Clouds. She wanted nothing to do with you two. You were never there for her-"**

**"We kept a roof over both of your ungrateful heads." his father stated.**

**Brock rolled his eyes, " So. Wow, a roof over our heads, so helpful. No, Cassie would've been just as content living on the street. The amount of times she told me she was going to run away. She's needed help since she was twelve. It only got worse when she** **was fifteen. Did you guys even care to question why she was always black and blue, covered in scratches, or limping? Or did you just not notice these little things-"**

**"She was never any of those things, Brock, are you okay?" Mrs Barrus asked, leaning towards her son.**

**Brock moved away from her, "Yes she was. She got a job so that she could pay for the thousands of dollars worth of makeup she had to keep buying to hide all of the scratches and bruises that were on her face. She started wearing only long clothes, did you both not notice that? Because I did, Tammie wasn't her first partner. She dated a girl named Quinnie. Quinnie never laid a hand on my baby sister, but her big brother did. You were both out somewhere the day I found out what was really happening to her. Cassie walked in, she looked shattered, her eye was black, her clothes were ripped, revealing blacks, blues and purples, all bruises, scratches. She got in a fight with Quinnie that day, so the brother, he bashed and-" tears ran down the broken boys cheeks.**

**Dr Nagle walked over to Brock, "Hey, it's okay. I'm sure that Cassie is sitting in her room-"**

**"That's not a room, it's a cell." Mrs Barrus stated.**

**Brock stared at his parents, " You both don't even deserve to be here. I've been here so many times to try see her, even if they told me I couldn't because she was bad, I still came. I've talked to Dr Nagle-" his look hardened, mouth shifting into a smirk, "In her fantasy, Cassie believes that she is a bad person, because she killed Tammie and couldn't save Crystal, in her fantasy she lives in a big house with all of our friends, she believes that the doctors are her friends as well. But the thing I find most amusing about my baby sister's fantasy is that, in it, you're both dead. " he said, turning and leaving the office, slamming the door behind him.**


	11. Chatper Eleven

**"Excuse me sir. You're not allowed to be down here." one of the guards stopped me at the entrance to the faculty.**  
**I crossed my arms, "My sister is in there, I know that I can't go into her room, but can I please go see if she made it back fine. Please." I asked, foot tapping.**  
**The guard shook their head, "Sorry, but without the proper permissions from an authority, we-" they pointed at the other guard, "aren't allowed to let you though." the said.**  
**"Lily. Let him though, he's with me."**  
**The guard nodded, stepping aside, "Of course Dr Nagle." they said.**  
**"Come on Brock, lets go and see Cassie." Dr Nagle said, leading me to Cassie's room.**

  
The door opened, like it did everyday, at probably ten am. By my markings, I've been here for a year, but it could be longer, I don't know how long I was in that place.  
"Cassie. Guess who's here to see you?" Dr Nagle's familiar voice questioned, another person stood by him.   
But I couldn't remember. I know this person. I should know this person. But I don't recognise him.   
"Who?" I asked, tilting my head to see the person better.  
The person looked at the ground and Doctor Nagle squeezed the person's shoulder.  
"Cassie. Don't you remember Brock?" Dr Nagle asked me, urging the person, Brock I guess, forward.   
I stood up and walked towards the two, looking at Brock.   
_Flash._  
I stumbled back as the Brock I knew flashed in front of me, before returning back to the person actually in front of me. "Brock?" I asked, unsure if Dr Nagle was playing a joke on me.   
The person looked up at me, acknowledging his name.  
"Hey Squirt." Brock mumbled, but I could see the pain in his eyes.  
I looked over at Doctor Nagle, "I-I- They- Can't- Not." I stammered, stumbling away from Brock.  
"Cassie. What's wrong? Don't you want to see Brock? You speak of him often." Doctor Nagle said.  
I stared at Brock, trying to remember something. There was something important about this Brock. But I can't remember what.  
"I don't remember?" I stated, starting to pinch my wrist, getting angry at myself for forgetting something important.  
"What don't you remember?" Doctor Nagle asked.  
Brock let out a sigh, "You broke her. You all did it. You broke my sister. Me. She doesn't remember me." he stated, in a calm voice, but I could see the pain tearing through his eyes with every word.  
I walked towards him, ignoring the continuous flash of my Brock appearing in his place. I wrapped my arms around him. "It's not your fault. You didn't do this to me." I stated, telling the truth, still processing what he had said.  
He recoiled away from my touch, bumping into the doctor, "No. The last time you said that, you- I couldn't save you from what happened. Cassie, please. I know somewhere you remember who I am. Even if it is the other me, Cassie please. You're all I have left of my family." he said.  
_"Tammie. Tam no. You can't leave me. Please you're the only family I have."_  
"Family." I echoed, stepping back.  
"But mum and dad always liked you more. Tammie was my family and now Tammie's gone. Crystal is also gone, she was also my family. They're all gone. All gone. No love. No love."  
Brock walked over to me, "Cassie, mum and dad always liked me more because-because they thought I was perfect. Crystal isn't dead, she had to move away with her family, remember? Cassie, I need my baby sister back, please." he pleaded with me.  
"Brock, don't force her. She's not exactly-"  
"She lives with her mother. Her parents got a divorce." I said, "Brock, they hurt me, so so bad. Bruises and cuts. HE hurt me. Please don't leave me here. Please you have to help me."  
Doctor Nagle walked over to both of us, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Come on, we have to go. If my boss finds out yer were in here, I'll get fired and yer won't see her again."  he said.  
Brock nodded reluctantly, "I promise that I'll help you Squirt. Just hold in there." he said, wrapping me in a hug.  
I hugged back, squeezing hard, "Please don't leave me here. I'm sorry I don't remember. I can try. Please don't leave me here with them. Brock please. I didn't want to hurt you. Please. He hurts me. Please. Please." I felt myself being pulled away from Brock.  
"Cassie. We have to go now, but I'll be back tomorrow. You can wait right, till tomorrow?" Doctor Nagle asked.  
"NO! I don't want to be alone. They hurt me. I KNOW THEY'RE NOT REAL. IT HURTS. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THEM. PLEASE. PLEASE. please." I felt the tears running down my face.  
"Squirt, stop. I have to go. I'll see you soon. I love you." Brock said, turning and leaving.  
I knew this was hurting him too, I knew me not remembering was hurting us both.  
Doctor Nagle followed, leaving me all alone, in a white room once more. Only this time, I knew it was real. I am insane.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**"She's getting there sir. Really she is. Her brother has been a big part of that." Dr Nagle stated to his boss, looking back over his notes.**

**His boss nodded, "Yes. But how is it affecting the boy?" they asked.**

**Dr Nagle's look sharpened, a frown gracing his face, "He is struggling. But he just wants his sister back. He'll ignore the effects of her memory lapses if it means he can help her get better. Brock always did care more about others than himself." he stated.**

"Hey Cass. Do you remember what any of these scribbles mean?" Brock asked, walking around, running his fingers over the words.

I shook my head, "I wish I did. Some of them I wrote to remind me of who I was- am. I think I knew that I was slipping away. Some I wrote while I was out of it. The doctor did say I always asked for pens." I explained, watching where he stopped.

"Crystal." he said, running his fingers under the words in front of him.

I tilted my head trying to see the words, "Which one?" I asked.

"That's why you were so sad that day. You wouldn't tell me what happened, you were just really sad. We couldn't cheer you up." Brock explained, half to me and half to himself. "You told Crystal that you liked her Squirt. But she didn't like you, she liked Tammie. So instead of accepting this, you took Tammie for yourself. The only twist is you actually fell in love with him."

I stood up, walking over to him, "Oh. Yeah. I don't want to remember that. Why did you have to tell me?" I asked.

Brock looked at me, "You wanted to be reminded. Remembering your life before this last year includes good and bad. Life isn't perfect and bad things happen, these things help us grow and teach us how to mot make the same mistake twice." he stated.

I closed my eyes tight, "I can't remember why it hurts so much. It just does. Do you remember around what time she left?" I asked, hoping for more information to spark a memory.

"Maybe five days later. She came by that day, but you weren't home. Uh, you hadn't been home all weekend. It was a Sunday. In September, it was near the end of the month." I know he tried to give me as much information as possible, but I just couldn't think of the moment.

"Don't worry if you can't remember everything in detail. If you have the emotion that goes with the moment, it will come back to you." Brock said, pulling me into a hug.

"Please don't go." I said, but it bearly came out as a whisper.

I felt the vibrations do Brock's chuckle, "We go through this all the time Squirt. You'll be leaving with me one day. The doctors just have to allow it." he said, stepping away from me, he walked over to the wall and the door opened.

 _I could escape. Just run for it,_ I sighed, shaking my head, "What use would that do...they'd just catch me again." I muttered.

Left alone in the room, I turned to the words. Ones that I had contemplated before, but never had enough information to figure the answer out.

- _I told her that I loved her by the water fountain._  
 _But she didn't care because she loved him._

**_She didn't want me._ **   
_****_But I knew that he did_ ** ** _ _****.** ** _ _**-** _


	13. Chapter Thirteen

My eyes opened once more, in the blue room, thankfully I hadn't fallen off the bed this time.

I surveyed my surroundings once more, my eyes landed on the bed sitting at the far end of the large room. But more details started to catch my eye, hallfway, exactly, the walls changed from being blue to a purple. All of the furniture looked untouched.

I swang my legs over the edge of the bed, getting up, walking over to the dressing table once more, I looked up into the mirror.   
My reflection stared back, but she had red hair, I don't have red hair. I refuse to have red hair ever again.

I looked down and my hair was, in fact, red.  _This is wrong. This whole place is wrong. This place isn't real. I shouldn't change in here, I should be the same as I am when I'm not here._

"So what if you're reality is this one?" a familiar voice asked from the other side of the room.

I looked across the room, my eyes wide with panic when I saw her. "Qu-Quin. Quinnie. What are you doing here?" she looked no different from that frightful day.

"Well, I still love you C. Why did you leave me? Why did you hurt me this way? I never hurt you. I never made you uncomfortable." she walked towards me and that when she started to change, she changed into him.  
"You're worthless. Nobody cares about you." he spat.

"Quinnie did."

He got closer to me.

"Brock does."

He was standing right in front of me.

"I d-"

"Shut up you piece of shit. Nobody loves you." he grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him.

 _Tammie loved me_.

He forced his lips onto mine.

I pushed away, falling to the, tears streaming down my face. I felt violated, but all he did was kiss me.

"Hey Cass. Are you okay? I heard a thud?" a muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

I rubbed my eyes furiously, looking around for him, but he was gone.  
"Y-yeah. I'm fine." I called back, staying where I was, curling my legs up to my chest.

I heard the door open, but didn't look up.

"Cassie. Are you sure you're okay?" Craig's tone was soft.

I looked up, acknowledging his presence, "Yeah. I'm fine." I said, trying not to cry.

Craig shook his head, coming and sitting next to me, he tried to wrap his arms around me, but I flinched away.

"Cassie, you're not okay, are you?" he questioned.

I swallowed and shook my head.

"His back isn't he? The killer is haunting you again?" he asked.

It finally clicked, the killer, my whole memory of Crystal dying, being saved by Eric. My killer wasn't a killer at all.  
But I nodded.

I saw Craig looking at something on my arm. I noticed to as well. A red mark where he grabbed me.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Craig questioned.

I shrugged, "No. Not really." I replied.

"You know we're not real. Slowly we're all just disappearing Cassie. You'll be better soon. I promise." Craig said, standing up and leaving.

I sat on the floor,  _This isn't real. But if it's not at least semi-real, then why does it feel so? And why is my hair red again? It hasn't been red since I was fifteen. It hasn't been red since I last saw...Quinnie._

 _"_ But Quinnie was just here. She stood in front of me, she told me she loved me. I know she did, I still loved her as well."   
"They're all disappearing. I must be becoming more sane. I'll get to go with-"

"Brock!" I called, but my voice just echoed around the room, I sat up, noticing that the room was my padded cell, where the door would be, sat and tray, it had my meds and some food on it. I sighed, flopping back down onto the floor of my cell,  _"You'll be better soon. I promise."_  
I hope so Craig, I hope so.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Patient number: four-one-fourteen-seven-five-eighteen (41147518)**

**Personal Credentials**   
**Name: Cassidy Taliah Barrus**

**Given Name: Cassie Danger Clouds**

**Age: 22**

**Birthday: June 16, 1994**

**Associations:**

**\- Family: Unnamed parents. Brock (brother)**

**\- Friends: Unkown**

**Previous Diagnosis: Acute depression, GAD, Social Anxiety, Acute stress disorder**

**Diagnosed by: Dr Sarah Pip (Psychologist), Dr Vanessa Piale (Paediatrician)**

**Previous Medication: Not Specified**

**Admitted to St Ives Psychiatric Hospital and Rehabilitation for the Mentally Challenged.**

**Ward Three: Schizophrenia, Bipolar I and II and Psychosis**

**-Individual padded cells with no visible doors.**

**-Routined daily visits from;**  
 **Dr Evan Fong - Clinical Psychologist-  Dismissed**  
 **Dr David Nagle - Psychiatrist**  
                           
 **-Accompanying Nurses:**  
 **Eric Montel - Dismissed**  
 **Lukas Smith**  
 **Amber Vinette**  
 **Kai Vinette**

- **Ward Director:  Dr Yani Hertz**

**Diagnosis**

**-**   **Psychosis. Including hallucinations and delusions**

**Treatment**

**\- 15 milligrams of Aripiprazole at lunch time.**

**\- Daily visits from assigned Psychiatrist, as well as hourly checks from nurses assigned to the ward.**

***Psychiatrist may treat patient how they see fit. Staff are not allowed to question professionals methods, unless the patient shows signs of unease, report to head of ward.**

**\- Patient's State : □ Sane × Insane**

**Signed by,**

**Candice Believer (Head of the Psychiatric Sector)**

**Dylan Aqua (Head of**   **Rehabilitation Sector** )

"I'm hurting you." I state, staring into my brother's eyes.

Brock chuckled, more out of nerves, "No you're not Squirt." he denied the truth.

I shake my head, "Brock. I'm not stupid. A little loopy, possibly delusional, but not stupid. I remember most of our friends and I especially remember what you act like when you're hurt. They hurt you all the time in high school, the gang." I tell him.

"No they didn't! They-"

I grabbed his hand, giving it a tight squeeze, "Not like this." I pushed our hands to his chest, "But here." I took my hand away, leaving his behind, "Brock, you take everything on, and never think about yourself. Everyone else is first." I say, "But some times, you need to put you first."

"But you're almost there. You're almost better. Just a little bit longer and we can leave together." he stated.

I smiled, "No...not this time Brock.  I won't wake up anymore after this. Please stop trying to save me. Haven't you noticed, you and David are the only ones left? Everyone else is gone. Because they listened and put themselves before me." I explain, trying to get him to leave.

"But-but the visions. Quinnie and Bandit. Just let me help you with this Squirt." he pleaded.

I closed my eyes, "No. I will deal with my own demons now. It's time for me to face and fight my own demons. I need to stop relying on others for help. That includes you Brock. You need to accept that sometimes, you just need to let people fight their own fights. You can't always help everyone and not take care of yourself." I tell him, "If you really want to help me, you'll walk out of this room and never look back. I'm not going to wake up anymore, so just get up and walk away."

I noticed David standing in the doorway of the small medical bay, I gave him a small smile and he beamed back at me, giving me a small nod before turning around and disappearing into the dark hallway.

Brock let's a defeated sigh,"Will I see you ever again. Will you ever open your eyes again?" he asked, sitting beside me.

I shook my head, grabbing his hand, "Brock, do you remember the song that I used to sing when I was down? You always knew something was wrong when I sang it?" I asked.

"No sorry." he replied.

"Could you sing it with me the? One last time." I asked.

He frowned, "Okay. But I'm not much of a singer." he replied.

 _Yes you are! You have a great voice!_ "That's okay. We don't have to be perfect. We're only  _human_..."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

I woke up to the sensation of someone pushing on my shoulder.

"Cassie. Cassie. Are yer alright?" I opened my eyes and was confronted with a very worried looking Dr Nagle.

I groaned, sitting up, taking in my surroundings, not my normal cell. The walls were a cream colour, it smelt decent, so it wasn't one of those weird medication rooms. But a foul taste was in my mouth, like the vile food liquid they pump into you when you haven't eaten in days. "Yeah, uh, Dr?" I asked, noticing he was wearing normal clothing.

The irishman tilted his head in confusion, "Dr?" he questioned, leaving me confused.

I shook my head, "Nevermind David. Wait, where's Brock?" I asked, glancing around the weird room.

"Oh. You don't remember?" David said, his tone growing ever more worried.

"Remember what?" I asked, rubbing my temple in a circular motion, trying to get rid of the headache I had.

"Oh. This is bad. I'm probably not the one who should be explain' this to yer. I'll be back in one minute. Try not ta move too much, you'll rip the important tubes keepin' yer alive out."  he stated, getting up and heading towards the doorway, disappearing out of it.

I took the silence that came with the empty room as a chance to view my surroundings more. I noticed that on the far wall there was a clock, in the left corner was a small tv fastened to the roof. There was a window, but   thet angle I was sitting at, I couldn't see out of it. I was the only person in this room, which made me notice the sheer amount of machines hooked up with different wires and tubes, all leading down towards me.

I glanced down at myself, gaping at the sight of my body, tubes were coming out of most of my body. I lifted my hands to my face, feeling the small tubes along my cheeks.

"What happened to me?" I whispered.

David came back into the room with a female by his side.

Her eyes lit up when she saw I was awake, she rushed towards my bed.

"Cassie. Oh my gosh. You're awake. It's a miracle. They told us you weren't going to wake up. But David and I, we wouldn't give up. We refused to let you go, to give up on you. I wouldn't let anyone touch you." she exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Pen. Calm down, yer don't want ta overwhelm 'er." David said, placing his hands on 'Pen's' shoulders.

"Right. Sorry." Pen said, standing still.

"I- David, who is this? Why didn't you bring Brock in? Where is my big brother? What happened? Where am I?" so many more questions raced through my mind.

"You-you don't remember me?" Pen asked, the light slowly seeping out of her eyes. "I thought you cared about me. Maybe once upon a time. I wouldn't be here if David hadn't mentioned to me that you spoke of me sometimes in your deep sleep. Sorry for wasting your time,  _Princess._ " she turned and made for the door, leaving  me with David once more.

That's when it hit me, "Princess. Quinnie. QUINNIE, WAIT COME BACK!" I called, trying to reach out towards the direction she just walked.

"I really hoped that this would play out different. It still hurts me to talk about Brock. Even after two years." David said, reverting my attention back to him.

I felt a pang in my chest, my heart feeling heavy, "Please tell me my brother's okay. David, where is he?" I asked, my voice cracking as I felt my face heat up, my eyes started to sting.

"I don't want to hurt yer." David said.

My sadness slowly turned to hatred, anger, "Where is he?" I asked, my tone was forceful.

David avoided my eyes, but I could see my question was making him conflicted. I could tell the answer hurt him, but I deserve to know, he's my brother and I care about why he wasn't with me.

"Brock- Cassie, I don't want ta talk about Brock. Please. I had ta help Brian true this. I don't want ta do the same with yer, please just stop asking me. I can't answer yer wit'out hurting myself." David explained to the best of his ability, "Just wait till one of the others are here. They can explain everyting to ya."

I sighed in defeat, "Wait. Who's coming?" I asked.

"The gang. " he answered with a smile.

_Great. This is going to be fun. Maybe Brock will be with them. Hopefully._


	16. Chapter Sixteen

After what seemed like an hour but was really twenty minutes of silence, some of the gang started filing into this weird room. There was four of them. Evan, Jon, Brian, Craig.

I craned my neck, trying to see over them to see if Brock was with them, but my face fell when I realised it was just them, David and myself.

I chuckled a little giving each of them a look, "Very funny guys. Why didnt you tell Brock I was awake?" I asked.

They all looked saddened when I mentioned my brothers name, especially Brian. Ha. Craig owes me fifty.

Brian moved towards the bed side, putting a hand on Davids shoulder, "Go wit the rest of the guys and Quinn, both of you go back to the house and get some rest, Ill stay wit Cassie. Explain everything to her." He said.

I could tell David was too tired to protest, he just nodded and followed the others out.

Brian turned to face me, "You really dont remember?" he asked.

I sighed, "No. Ive already been through this with Dr-David and Quinnie." I say, chewing on my lip.

He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down, "Well, I cant tell you everything, but I can tell you what I know." He stated and I nodded my head, understanding.

Okay. "So, two years ago, on June Fifteenth -"

"Sorry to interrupt, but what exactly is the date today?" I asked, noticing that there was no calender in the room.

Brian smiled, but I could see the tears start to prick in the corners of his eyes, "June Seventeenth." He answered, not meeting my gaze.

There was silence for a moment before it hit me, the realisation hitting me hard, "O-oh. Its his birthday. Is that why hes not here? Is he out living life and enjoying his birthday?" I asked and Brian simply shook his head no.

"Two years ago, on June Fifteenth, around four thirty in the morning. I got a call from the emergency services. The officers name was Lieutenant Panamax, they asked whether I knew Brock Barrus or Tamsyn Prince, they didnt identify you at the time. I told them that I knew both of them. They asked what my relation was with them, I could hear someone crying, it was very faint, so I told them that I was in a relationship with Brock and friends with Tamsyn. Panamax stayed quiet for a moment before replying with sorrow in their voice, Im sorry Brian, but your friend is dead and your partner may not survive.. My world shattered, I asked which hospital they were going to try and get Brock to and they replied telling me he probably wouldnt make it there. But the paramedics would do their best. I broke down. Cassie, he didnt pull through. The crash- I got here and asked for him, but they said that he wasnt here, but you were. They said that you were in the car, in the back seat. It saved your life. Tamsyn was distracted for a minute, he didnt see the traffic stopped. He couldnt stop and the car slammed into the back of a truck. Youre lucky your alive. Let alone awake." Brian explained.

My whole world fell before my feet, my heart felt like it weighed a ton. "My family. Theyre all gone." I whispered, my throat closing as I tried hard to hold back my sobs.

"You've still got us. We're your family too." Brian said.

I shook my head, "My family, my world, they're all dead. My brother, my partner- they're gone. You're joking, please tell me that this is a big prank. Brian-I-" I broke down, the monitors around me starting beeping really fast.

"Cassie-Cass-cal-" I could hear Brian talking but I was breathing to fast, my vision started to darken. _478, breath.478._ I felt everything slipping away, the beeping was starting to fade, a tiny slither of light remained for a while before it all disappeared and I was left in the dark.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

"Cassidy, Cassidy can you hear me?" the sound of clicking near my face caused me the sit straight up, looking around.

Recognising my surroundings, _This is bizarre._

"Oh. Thank god. Cass I missed you so much. Everyone else gave up on you and left, but not me, I stayed and waited, I knew you'd be back some time. I couldn't just-"

I faced him, glaring daggers at him, "I told you to let go." I stated in a harsh tone.

He stepped back a few places, "But, I couldn't just let you-"

"Leave. That's what I told you to do, take care of yourself, but no. You didn't listen, you're still here. You're here hurting me. You need to let go and let me do the same thing. You can't take care of me forever. You aren't really there, you can't actually protect me. Just, let go please and go with the flow, stop waiting for me to come back." turning my head away from him, I stare across the room and see the faint outline of someone sitting on the bed, a smile spreads across my face. _John._

_"Doctor is she going to be okay?" I   asked._

_"We're doing everything we can Brian,we didn't expect her to relapse as soon as she woke up. We can keep you updated on what we find, you can go back in and sit with her if you like." the doctor explained, nodding_ _towards Cassie's room._

_I signed, nodding. Trudging back into the room and looking over at her, "Please fight Cassie. You can come back." I said, trying to convince myself that she would make a recovery quickly, otherwise the other will kill me._

Brock finally broke out in tears, "But if you stay here. I can take care of you. Squirt, just please. You lost me, now I can't lose you." he pleaded.

I shook my head, "You don't understand do you Brock. I can't live out the rest of my life in a coma, they'll end up turning the life support off and then I'll die. So instead of living the rest of my life with my friends, our friends, I'll be forced into an early grave. I need to go out and live my life, you can't always protect me, but you'll be with me in here." I placed my hand over my heart, "Nothing will stop me from remembering you. But you have to stop dragging me down."

He let out a sigh, wiping the tears from his eyes, "Okay. If it means you'll be safe then I'll leave you be. But tell Brian that he better look after you or I'll kick his arse from the afterlife."

I laughed shaking my head, "Of course. Tell Tammie that I love him. Please." I stood up, walking over to him.

"As longas you tell Brian from me." he said, wrapping me in a hug.

After a few seconds he let go, walking towards my door.

"Brock wait!" I called as a thought crossed my mind, "Thank you."

"For what?" He questioned, opening the door.

"Helping me figure out who I shared this room with for two years. Who's been absent from my life for years but still on my mind. And in my subconscious also." I glanced over, to my surprise, the bed was vacant once more.

"That's okay. I guess." Brock replied, leaving me alone on the room, closing the door behind him.

I smiled, "Now for the recovery phase." I mutter, walking over to the bed, laying down and closing my eyes.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

It's been a month, a full month of rehabilitation. It's so boring, the same things over and over.  
The nurse that is aiding me is nice and all, but I don't know how much longer I can do this for.  
It hurts.  
Everything.  
Physically, menatally and emotionally, I'm broken and it hurts.  
But I have to keep my head up high, I have to soldier on. Because I made a promise that day.  
And I don't plan on breaking it any time soon.

There was a knock on the door which pulled my out of my thoughts.

"Is anybody home?" a familiar voice called.

I rolled my eyes, "Get your ass' in here you stupid men." I yelled, boosting myself up with the arm of the chair, quickly grabbing onto the walking frame that was in front of me.

"Oh no. Did someone get woken from their nana nap?" Tyler taunted, earning hits from someone from the audible 'ow' he let out.

I glared at him as I entered the room, "You're so lucky that I can't walk properly, Wine, or I would personally kick your arse." I stated, shuffling towards the lounge where they had all sat down.

"I think that these two have your arse kicking covered." Tyler stated, pointing at Brian and David, who sat either side of him.

"Sure." I smiled, "Would you guys like anything to drink? Right now I only hold energy drinks in my fridge. There may be some soft drink. I dunno, I haven't really cared much what was the-" I caught myself rambling, looking down, "I'll just go and grab the usual." I mutter, shuffling as quickly out of the room as I could, to my small kitchen.

"I told ya." I heard David exclaim as soon as he thought I was out of earshot.

"Shut up you loud Irish fuck." Tyler said.

After that, all I could make out was mumbles, I opened the fridge and pulled out some cans, not really looking, I knew they'd drink whatever I had to offer.

"She needs someone 'ere ta make sure she's fine." David whisper shouted.

Tyler shook his head, "She'll never agree to any of us taking care of her. She's stubborn." he pointed out.

"Are you three going to stop gossiping like schoolgirls behind my back. The house isn't that big, I can make out some of your mumbles. I get the general idea. I don't need someone to baby me." I call from the kitchen, placing the drinks on a tray.  
Picking up the tray, placing on the walker, I shuffled back out, placing the tray on the table in front of my three guilty friends.

"We were gonna give you the choice Cas, we just think -"

"EXACTLY TYLER, YOU ALL THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, BUT NONE OF YOU HAVE BOTHERED TO ASK ME WHAT I THINK IS BEST FOR ME. I DON'T NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME, IT'S MY CHOICE NOT TO EAT, I FEEL FINE. IN FACT I FEEL PERFECT WITHOUT EVERYONE TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE JUST BECAUSE I SURVIVED A CAR CRASH. I SURVIVED. I'M A SURVIVOR. I LOST MY BROTHER AND BOYFRIEND THAT DAY. BUT I HAVE TO BE STRONG, OTHERWISE MY BODY WILL FALL APART." I stare at all of their pale faces, "Yeah, none of you thought of how I feel huh?" I grabbed my walking stick off of my walker and limped to the front door, walking out.

 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

"Cassie, wait!" I heard Brian call, chasing after me.

I groaned, trying to hobble away fasting, but ultimately failing. Before I could process what was happening, my face hit the ground. Pain shot straight to my brain, causing me to scrunch my face.

"Shit Cass!" Brian's footsteps were fast and he help me up and placed my arm around his shoulder, trying to figure out a way to pick up my stick without me falling back to the ground.

I felt something run over my lip, "Brian, worry about my walking stick later." trying to make him look at me.

"Why? You need it to help walk." he stated the obvious, still not looking up.

"You stupid Irish fuck, I fell on my face and there's liquid running over my lip, I'm pretty sure my nose is bleeding." I snapped, trying to pull my sleeve up to my nose as the flow of the liquid quickened.

He finally looked over at me, his eyes widening, "Shit." he uttered.

"Ya think? Hurry the fuck up and help me inside so I can fix it you idiot." I snarled,  failing to get my sleeve high enough.

Brian got me inside as quickly as he could, taking me straight to the bathroom.

I shook my head, gripping onto the edge of the sink with one hand while I opened the cupboard above the sink, taking out a cloth, shoving it under my nose. "Go and get some ice and wrap it in a tea towel so that I can stop the bleeding." I grumble at Brian, rolling my eyes as he rushes off.

I glance in the mirror at myself, a movement catching my eye behind me. I glance again, a smile crossing my face. "Hey. I thought I told you to leave me alone." I quip, teasing the spirits that stood behind me.

They smiled, shaking their heads

"Only teasing." I muttered, "My guardian angels."

They stayed as I heard footsteps coming back up the hallway. Knowing it was Brian, they waved and disappeared once more.

"Bye." I whispered, knowing that they'd hear me, somewhere up there.


	20. Chapter Twenty

_Hey, it's been a while_

_I've been so busy.... I keep forgetting to log my activities._

_Sorry about that._

_Anyway, six months went by in a flash._

_Brian moved in with me (much to my protest), it's been interesting._

_My rehabilitation is going great. They said that I'm almost finished. Soon I'll be free to drive._

_Anyway,_

_Sorry for not writing in you._

 

I closed the book and smiled to myself, looking around the room.

I hate admitting it, but the place is less depressing with Brian around, there's never a dull moment. Listening to him record is interesting. I get visits from the gang frequently. Especially David, god when him and Brian are together it's loud.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my thoughts.

I opened it and there stood a guy, with dyed blonde hair, or bleached, I'm not sure really if I'm being honest. Next to him was a girl, with short brown hair and an emo fringe, with blue tips. "Smitt,  I didn't think you were being serious when you told us all that you knew where they were." I stated, inviting them all in.

"Why would I joke about something like that Cass?" Luke asked, giving me a hug.

I shook my head in response, "It's been too long. I missed you so much Cry." I stressed the girl first with a smile.

"Hey! What about me?" The guy asked.

I rolled my eyes, "God men are impatient. John, I haven't seen Crystal since we were in school, or like just after. I don't even remember the last time we talked. You on the other hand, we're one of the last people I hung out with before I went into the coma." I explained.

Crystal hid her smile as John stood there offended. 

"So Ren was telling us about your some of your adventures in your comatose state." Crystal said.

"Why don't we all sit and I'll tell you all, everything that happened in my subconscious?"


	21. Epilogue

I stared at my reflection as I gripped the edge of the sink, eyes wide to get one last good look at myself.

 _"You can do this..."_ I thought to myself, psyching myself up for my trip.

 _"Come and see....meet us......we love you...it's been too long."_ they called to me.

I smiled, "One last time." I whispered, closing my eyes and diving into that world.

I was greeted by Brock and Tammie as I opened my eyes to see an open field.

_one. last. time._


End file.
